Tuesday, December 29, 2009

Wishing for Wit

Sometimes I read other's blogs and think, "they're so witty" and then I start thinking about how lame my blog is. I really really hate the blogs that detail things such as what the writer had for breakfast or how cute their baby's eyes looked today. I also despise self-righteous rants and posts with zero personality. I like to think I try really hard to avoid such things in my postings however I wish that is was a little bit more unique and creative. I get great ideas from other's blogs and then can't use them because that's copying and how lame is that?

In case you were wondering this would be the perfect opportunity for all of you to tell me how great I am and how much you love my posts.

P.S I also hate posts that are trolling for compliments and praise, "geez you're so creative/crafty/spiritual/humble thanks for sharing that neat experience with me" (Thanks Foxy for opening my eyes to the many possibilities of the word "neat". I may be stealing it for a while.)

Dear blogging gods (if you're out there),

Grant me the ability to accept the wicked cool parts of my blog,

The courage to change the lame parts,

And the wisdom to know the difference. Tear.

Saturday, December 26, 2009

Eye Contact

One of my "Awkward Family Photo" favorites.

Yosemite Sam

Welcome to Logan.

(sorry I couldn't get it to rotate...)

I really hope no one from my ward reads this...

Except you Laura because you'll appreciate this...

This sweet sister is just super festive... Don't worry she also has one of these in red!

If I wasn't so worried that someone might know her I'd tell you her name because it makes it sooo much better!

This dress went to her ankles and had fur around the bottom too. I've seen 3 year olds in the same outfit. I'm a jerk.

When I was a young wart hog!

For Christmas the doctor I work for took everyone to La Caille in Salt Lake for dinner. For those of you unfamiliar with this restaurant it is amazing. It is a french style mansion and is probably the nicest place to eat in Utah. With that being said why was this on the wall in the men's room?

Wednesday, December 16, 2009

Is this kid serious?

So Casey and I have been dying to see a certain bank robber, based on a true story, maybe possibly not rated PG-13 film (so sue me).

We were counting down the days to December 8th when we could finally rent the blu-ray version and enjoy it in the comforts of our own home complete with all you can eat, gain 10 lbs in one night junk food, and our favorite fuzzy movie buddy (the Lu).

The day had finally arrived! Eager and barely able to contain ourselves we jaunted (you like that word?) off to Hollywood Video. We scrambled inside and made a b-line for the Blu-Ray section. It wasn't there! Gasp! It's ok, it's ok! Maybe they had one returned...

Idiot clerk whom I know despise: Nope, not yet.

Casey: Well, have you seen it? Is it any good?

Smart a clerk whom should be fired: Well, (with the "duh" tone to his stupid voice) it's just what happened to him in real life. (Um... that didn't answer our question...)

Me: We don't really know the story but is the movie good? Is it worth buying?

Retard of the year: Well let me tell you what happens-

Me: NO!!!! Don't ruin it for us!

Bozo: Well I was just going to say...

Casey (to the other clerk hoping to shut this guy up): Do you know if the other store has one...

Same dumb kid that can't keep it to himself: I'll just tell you that....

And he proceeds to tell us the ending. Awesome. I was ticked. What a winner. You work at a VIDEO store dumbo! What was he thinking?!

Well I guess I was being punished for my sin. It was a good movie anyways...

Joy to the World! (At others' expense...)

In the spirit of the holidays...

I love to laugh at other awkward and strange people. I don't like to treat this people cruelly, but I do like to chuckle at the silly things people do. That is why this next website is near and dear to my heart and I think you should all set aside sometime to enjoy it...


You will not regret it. Promise.


I love love love this one. It is a recent find from a friend of a friend's blog!


I might remind you that these people are real. And they're out there.

Sunday, December 13, 2009

The fine print...

I have noticed, being the savy shopper that I am, that sale tags at the grocery store are not always as they seem.

Case in point...

Wow, maybe with all the money I saved I'll go and get myself something nice. Thanks Macey's!

Thursday, November 19, 2009

It's only just begun...

I got a new job! Yea!

I am working at Rocky Mountain Dermatology in Logan and today was my first day.

Picture this:

Little me all new and nervous waiting for the PA to come see my patient. I'm chit chatting with some of the other gals in the office.

One of the other nurses walks out of a patient room a little green in the face.

What's wrong?

Oh don't worry... the asian guy in there brought in his own skin sample...

In a napkin...

Collected from his bed...

From skin that has been flaking off his groin...


P.S Wear sunscreen. Wear sunscreen. Wear sunscreen. The end.

Thursday, November 5, 2009

Dear Kujo...

So we love o buy our dog toys on clearance. After a holiday all the "holiday" toys go on clearance at Petsmart for like 97 cents! Why are we so cheap? I'll show you...

This was a cow dressed up as a devil. It had a squeaker in it. It didn't stand a chance.

Limbs and entrails were all over the house. She's vicious.

The lament of the lazy

Some of my may recall a post I wrote this summer regarding recycling. A quick summer is that even though I feel recycling is very important... I could not manage to bring my self to make the trek across the yard and a parking lot to get to the blue dumpster in the dead of winter. My dreams of saving the earth had a premature end.

A new dilemma has arrived at 212 W 1305 S. Our dumpster is missing. Yes, you heard me right (or read me I suppose). Our dumpster is gone!!! We are fortunate enough (that's right I said fortunate) to have a dumpster five steps from our front door! As unattractive and undesirable as it may sound, knowing me you know that saving a few steps is high up on my agenda. Whether it be carrying every last bag of groceries from the car at one time until the handles are slicing apart my arms, or giving up on recycling cause walking the length of a soccer field two times a week to through it away is just too much.

So I am very sad to report that yesterday afternoon our dumpster went M.I.A. Now I have to use the dumpster on the other side of the parking lot. I am devastated.

See that block of cement past the tree next to that building? This is where the dumpster should be. I am standing on the porch taking this picture so as you can see... very convenient.

From the dumpster pad to my door.

This is from my dumpster pad to the other dumpster. What a trek huh? :)

Wednesday, November 4, 2009

You don't say...

Pharm teacher: "So LSD and PCP..." yada yada yada
Me: (raising my hand) "What's the difference between LSD and PCP?"
Pharm teacher: "Different drugs." (said with one of those, 'what are you an idiot?', type of voices)

Hmm... thanks for clearing that up...

Tuesday, November 3, 2009

Totally unaware...

Dear boy sitting next to me in the testing center,

You're buggin. Seriously. I can hear your talking to yourself! Hello! We are only a foot away from each other! I am sure whatever test you are taking is extremely important. Mine is too. So it is ever so irritating to here you whispering to yourself as you read your exam!

Also, I myself enjoy a piece of gum. In fact, those that know me say I enjoy a lot of pieces of gum. However, on top of the talking, what makes you think that it would be a good idea to chomp your gum? I can hear your spit churning and mixing. And does anyone really need to chew so quickly? My heck boy take a breath!!!

Not to be Mrs. Negative but I've also noticed something else. Maybe you have a cold. Maybe you have a deviated septum. You may have a perfectly legit reason to breath through your mouth. However, I do not think you have a good reason to breathe through your mouth so loudly that CHINA CAN HEAR YOU! And with all that gum and that spit I can also hear your saliva rattling around while your breathe. Please sir, dispense with the death rattle already.

One more topic that I feel necessary to bring to your attention. Hygiene! Now sir, you are in college. You are surrounded by people daily. I noticed you have no wedding ring on. So on top of it all you are potentially in the dating market. With that being said, maybe you should consider showering a little more often. All the other things aside, I do not want to be cramped into a tiny testing center with a guy who hasn't showered or used deodorant in who knows how long. Let this be a lesson to all. I don't care who you are, you cannot get away without showering at LEAST every other day. And if you happen to be a sweater (we all have our issues) you need to be extra conscientious. Don't judge me buddy. I'm just trying to help you out.

Girl who scored lower on her test than she should of because if she had taken anymore time on her test you would have ended up being injured.

Friday, October 9, 2009

I guess I just love bathroom humor...

Dang! Eating my dinner on the pot is my favorite past time. It's a good thing they put up this sign... it was a close one!

Monday, October 5, 2009

Can we please make this bathroom situation more awkward?

I didn't google this. This is real life.


More power to ya

We went tubing down the Weber river a couple months back (so I'm a little behind... big deal). For all you not familiar with river tubing it's where you get cheap snow tubes, or even better old tires and you ride them down a raging river. Sounds like a great idea right?

Some may think it sounds kinda sketchy. I think it sounds like a blast. For those who are a little nervous what is a great way to take the edge off? I know! Alcohol! That sounds even more safe right? Um...

Dear group of like 100 drunk college kids,
Even though I don't think drinking is a great idea (let alone while you are hanging onto a flimsy tube for dear life but whatever) I do want to thank you for providing great entertainment. Not only did you cheer us on as we passed (thanks for the support) but you graciously donned crazy outfits complete with sweat bands and hoochie shorts (on a guy). To top it all off thank you for risking your lives by cramming all your friends onto one giant tube! Here here for drunk idiots!

To get the full effect of these you'll have to click on them and pull 'em up big enough...

Get ready!

Here they come!

Please notice the shark! Baha!


Wednesday, July 29, 2009

Let's get with the program...

So it's been a "while" since I've posted anything. I suck! I have lots to say just haven't sat down and taken the time to. I am hoping by posting this mini blog I will be obligated to follow up... These are the topics you have to look forward to...

Brenda's visit
Trip to Las Vegas
Tubing (complete with the ultimate party raft and a grown man in low waisted booty shorts...)
Bachelorette (still haven't watched the finale so don't blow it for me but believe me either way I'll have loads to say...)

Yep I think that should do it for now...

Thursday, June 25, 2009

SYTYCD favorites!

My friend Veronica and I have been watching So You Think You Can Dance this season. It is uh-mazing! Yesterday we got talking about some of our favorite dances from the past. I thought I'd post them here. You all know how much I love to share!

Season 3 Top 8 group dance

Neil and Sabra Jazz Routine

Pasha and Lacey Hip Hop


Saw this on a friend's blog and felt the need to share it with all of you! Enjoy!

Tuesday, June 23, 2009

Your husband might be a roofer if...

...he gets a huge sliver in his leg which he then proceeds to try and CUT IT OUT by himself with a blade used for cutting shingles. "Don't worry babe, it was a new blade and I rinsed it in hydrogen peroxide..." Um... ok...

So I got to the job site with tweezers in hand. I'm a nurse right? No big deal I'm allllll over it!

He doesn't even give me a chance to get out of the car. He hops in and tells me we are going to meet his boss (Keith). His boss' brother in law is a dermatologist. Apparently he gave Keith a scalpel and a few other supplies to "take care of business". Great, we are going to upgrade from roofing blade to scalpel wielded by an amateur. I'm sure you can all imagine how thrilled I was. "Don't worry babe, I brought super glue to seal it all up!" Great, fabulous. Super glue works wonders on minor cuts. Jagged gouges made by my dear husband in a futile attempt to remove the demon sliver from hell? Not so much.

Casey sure knows my weak points. At about the time I start explaining all the problems with this brilliant plan (infection, bleeding, masochism...) he says, "Hey... you wouldn't want to do it would you?" Oh brother. Yes, I want to do it. Please allow me to wield the scalpel. I'm a professional. Gag.

A little conversation for the trip down Main St... Casey: "So, muscle is REALLY hard to cut through." Oh brother.

For those of you thinking, "Why didn't he just go to the Instacare and claim worker's comp?" I am totally with you. "Because babe, it will cost my boss so much money I'd rather just do it this way."

Bless his boss' heart. We pull up outside his brother's office and Keith ushers us inside. They have an exam room ready and the physician's assistant proceeds to take care of things the proper way. Keith sure knows my hubby well, I'm very glad he tricked him into coming to the doctor's! I could have fainted from relief. But instead I nearly fainted from seeing them work on my hubby. C-Sections? Total knee replacements? Sure! No problem! Bring on the gore! But three inch incision and stitches on my dear Casey? I think I feel a little sick.

This is the hole Casey made on his own. It was taken with my cell phone so the quality's not great but suffice it to say he sure did a real hack job. Bless his heart.

As the P.A is slicing away Casey says in amazement, "Wow! That scalpel sure cuts better than that old blade of mine!" Yep.

This is the little bugger that caused all the trouble. It was pretty deep in there. The P.A had to dig around to get it all out.

This is before stitches. Pretty decent hole huh?

Anyways that was a really long way to get to the point. Casey got 8 stitches (14 if you count the ones under the skin). A prescription for antibiotics and a lecture about refraining from performing minor surgery on himself in the future.

The finished product!

You know I tease Casey about all of this but really I'm glad he gave me a good story to write about! And he's always good to balance me out. I'm the chick in Instacare with the sniffles crying because I think I have Swine Flu!

Monday, June 22, 2009


Thank you Foxy for giving me my stripper name. Trixie Sizzle Spanx. Too legit, too legit to quit.

Bum bum bum bum bum bum...

In case you couldn't tell that's the Rocky theme song. I know right? Pretty much felt like the biggest champ ever this weekend! I finished my first triathlon! "Woot. Woot." (haha)

I'm trying to get pumped for my first taste of GU.

Yep, just as I suspected.

Check out those numbers huh? I felt pretty legit. Brenda pointed out that it's too bad I wasn't the next person in line to sign up. Dang.

I'm off to save Gotham...

Casey came out to support us. It was sooo good to have someone there to cheer us on! He wanted to do it but decided it the week before. He hadn't trained at all and I thought it would be a good thing if he didn't drown. He's going to do the Bear Lake Brawl with me in September though!

Haha, mount... ha

Water was 60 degrees... that'll wake you up.

We're off!

The first transition...

What a dork! The is the last stretch! I'm like 50 feet from the finish line. The announcer had all the names so when I got there she said, "Here comes Karen." And everyone cheered. Pretty much amazing.

I was pretty much on a high at this point. Giddy would be a great word to describe it. So freaking fun! Can't wait for the next one! Who's with me? (Foxy...)

Saturday, June 20, 2009

I did it!

Just a quick update, today was my first triathlon! I did it! It went great and now I'm officially a triathlete! More to come...

Tuesday, June 16, 2009

Best song ever!

This is on the music video DVD at American Eagle and I basically love it. The video makes the song for me. Hope you guys like it... it's a little... um... "out there". It's altogether awkward and even a little bit creepy. Enjoy!

P.S The song is called "Ready for the Floor" by Hot Chip

It's that time again!

Yep, it's time for The Bachelorette! The time when I get totally sucked into to someone's ludicrous quest for true love! Those of you who have been watching please comment your opinions!

So last night my absolute favorite went home, Ed. Poor guy! His boss was going to can him if he stayed. Sweet little "Jilly" was way worked up. Who wouldn't be? The guy was uh-mazing! But she was way hard on him. Like, "if you get another chance at true love don't let work get in the way." Wow, wow, wow! Hold the phone Canada Dry! There are still what, like 10 other guys still around! Many of whom she's been saying the same things too. "We have such a connection... blah, blah, blah." The guy would have a 1 in 8 shot at true love! Can't say I blame him with sticking with the sure thing. Who knows how many years he's put into his career. And let's get real, how often does the Bachelor/Bachelorette turn into something that "lasts forever"?

For all you fellow Grey's lovers, does he look like Denny or what? Holy cow!

P.S so disappointed that she kept around King D.B Wes! Gag me! Did you notice the " I'm not here to promote my CD, but here I am again talking about my CD!" plug that he pulled during snowmobiling?! Ew, I dislike him strongly.

Doesn't he just have D.B written all over him? Sick.

P.P.S Jilly dear, please send Tanner home. He is a whiney tattle tail that is more focused on the other guys than you. And that nasty shiny black blazer he wears is DISGUSTING! Please Jill, you have much better taste than that I am sure!

My favorite part of last night was the sneak peek for next week's episode! Oh man if you didn't catch it, here it is!

Ahhhh!! Pig! Again, gag me and ew, I dislike him strongly!

This didn't show the preview that was on last night. Last nights, also showed a peek into the "fantasy suites" part of the season. Skank-opolis as I like to call it. I may be super naive but I always thought for sure these people aren't doing the dirty. Some serious hanky panky, sure. But the full on humpty dance? No way. They have to realize their little dream gal/guy is also having two other fantasy suite dates too. Surely people aren't that ridiculous. Oh but they are! Cause next week it would seem that someone can't ahem "perform" during their fantasy suite moment of triumph... gasp! Drama!

Anyways, that was a ridiculously long post about someone else's love life. I think I need to find a real job. This was a fairly negative blog and I like to end things on a positive note! How darling is Michael? Oh my gosh. Yes he's a bit "outlandish". But he's such a sweetheart and I love how into Jillian he is! What a keeper! Plus, hello! Break dance instructor? A guy that can move? Please.